What Is a Toxic Individual?
We hear it all the time. “She’s just too toxic. I’m cutting her out of my life.” We all have someone we know that we consider too toxic to affiliate ourselves with. I know I do.
I have an ex-best friend that wrecked half of my childhood. A year or two into adulthood, I cut her off. I did the same for a boy who wouldn’t take a hint after he graduated high school. I also have a friend who cut out a mutual friend of mine, so I went and chatted with him to get the details.
That chat enlightened me in a lot of different ways. Together we defined what toxicity in a social circle is, what it does, and why it affects other people differently. This is what I want to share with you today.
The definition
Toxic individuals are like black holes. It doesn’t matter what you throw at them, whether it be compliments, gifts, quality time, or affection, nothing makes them happy. They give nothing back to you. They suck you in with their egos, making everything all about them.
They may have talents but refuse to utilize them.
My friend has amazing talents in art and theatre but has no intention of capitalizing on them. My ex-bestie had every opportunity to make good decisions that would have bettered her life. Example: agreeing to an engagement with a 21-year-old man when she was 16.
Even that boy in high school would beg sodas off me and talk to me throughout the entire class period.
The effects
Okay, so that’s what a toxic individual is. What do toxic individuals do to those around them?
Well, the experiences are mixed.
My buddy that just cut off our mutual friend found himself anxious every time they were about to hang out. Although he’s extroverted, he found himself drained after every interaction the two had. He kept telling himself that he was being selfish, that our friend was going through a lot, but that wasn’t entirely true.
Perhaps sensing our buddy’s trepidation, my friend started doing something that really pissed me off.
Threatening suicide.
If my friend had a problem, he made it our buddy’s problem. If our buddy didn’t cooperate with my friend, the moodiness started, followed by implications of self-harm.
My ex-bestie took my advice, pretended she utilized it for a minute, and told me that I was her rock. She told me that she’d be dead without me, putting pressure on me to stay by her side.
Whenever she went too far or abused my trust one too many times, she somehow managed to win me back by telling me everything I needed to hear.
What’s the difference?
Of course, these people aren’t complete villains. The world isn’t black and white. There are people in their lives who love and care for them, people to whom they show respect. Whether that be a parent, sibling, friend, coworker, or boss, there is always someone.
Well, the fact that others might not agree with you doesn’t negate your feelings. If a person in your social circle can show someone else respect, they can do the same for you. And if they don’t, then they don’t deserve you in their life.